


Pilot AU

by Soobiebear



Category: Top Gear (UK) RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:47:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26692420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soobiebear/pseuds/Soobiebear
Summary: James is Richard's personal pilot, jetting him back home from London.  From DreamWidth's CHMSlash AU Challenge 2020.
Kudos: 2





	Pilot AU

Warnings: None except juvenile behaviour. Couldn't think of a better title.

Idea Pulled from :  
https://www.grandtournation.com/thegrandtour/jeremy-clarkson-recent-issue-stops-filming-of-new-farming-show/

“Attention Passengers, this is your pilot speaking.”

Richard rolled his eyes, well used to the odd sense of humour James had. There was no overhead speakers in the small plane and despite the din of the props they could easily hear each other.

“Yes, James, I know it’s you.” He set his Ipad on his knees and waited for James to make his - usually pointless - announcements. He was a good pilot and the Hammonds had him on hire ever since they dis-invested in the old helicopter.

“Bit of an odd air pocket ahead, we’ve been advised to drop a bit lower over the Cotswolds today.” James looked at his instruments. Ten thousand feet was their average, James was aiming for something much lower and less turbulent even if it cost him more fuel.

“Right, just keep me out of the trees, mate.” He went back to his work, looking through charts and figures even as he was being flown home for a long weekend.

“Roger, roger.” James pushed his aviator sunglasses at the same time he pressed the controls in and the plane started a gentle descent. Richard looked over James’ shoulders as they kept descending, watching the altimeter spin in circles as they dropped unreasonably low.

James pulled out of the dive at around five thousand feet. They were still well clear of any obstacles and they had a good view of the fields and farmlands of the well to do. James flipped to another section of his flight map and Richard recognized the small town coming up.

“That’s Chipping Norton up ahead, innit?” It was a few years back, but the whole News International scandal wasn’t easily forgotten. “That bastard Clarkson from Millionaire lives there, doesn’t he?”

James shrugged. Probably. He seemed to be of the sort to live in Oxfordshite.

“How much lower can you fly? Safely, of course.”

James looked at the terrain around them. “Legally, five hundred feet. Wouldn’t try lower than a thousand tho.”

“You know he interviewed me once, for a job?” James hummed as he let the plane lose altitude. “They were going to do a reboot of Top Gear and he wouldn’t hire me. The mingebag.”

Obviously the rejection hadn’t derailed Richard’s career despite it being an interesting bit of trivia.

“Fuck him anyway.”

“He’s filming on his farm, isn’t he?” James had Jeremy on his twitter. He was a bit of a wanker but at least it made for interesting reading. He’d posted he was recording something from home these days, the details were lost on him without double checking.

“Is he?” Richard smiled in malicious glee. James was still bringing them down gently, wary of the invisible pocket of bad air that was up there somewhere.

“Richard,” James took his eyes from the sky for just a second to look back at his employer. “Fancy a flight around Chipping Norton? Maybe you can look at some available properties from the air.”

Richard started to nod slowly. “I think I might like that a lot.”

They flew a few low circles around the countryside until James spotted an odd bit of construction and a lot of cars parked near a small barn. He pointed. “You think?”

“No....” Richard scrambled to the side window in disbelief. They were low enough to make out everything, even Jeremy scouting the skies at the ruinous engine noise. “Ha! Haha!” Richard laughed. “He’s pointing at us!”

“Let me circle around a bit, then do another fly by once he tries to record again.” It wasn’t a helicopter and they couldn’t hover annoyingly, but making a loop would actually ruin more of Jeremy’s filming time.

“Do these windows open?” Richard was playing with the small latch that held the back window shut.

James couldn’t show him but it wasn’t that difficult. “Yeah, just turn the latch and lock it to the bottom of the wing.” It would be cold and noisy but sometimes fresh air was good. Richard was rooting around in the back, getting a bottle of water he’d stuffed into his travel bag and pouring it out the window. The water trailed behind them instead of falling directly down. With a little guess work and some luck...

“What are you doing?” James was on the loop back to buzz Clarkson’s property again.

Richard was too quiet to be innocent, his paperwork long forgotten. “Nothing. The less you know.”

James tried to look behind him quickly but couldn’t see anything glaringly obvious. “He’s still standing by that barn, with a camera crew on the car park.”

“Oh yeah!” Richard was looking out the window again, watching as the assorted people all looked up at them from the ground. Richard stuck his hand and water bottle out of the window, and tipped the water bottle over until it was empty. Likely he would miss his target, but it was the thought that counted.

“He looks properly angry.” Jeremy was holding his fist up to the sky, giving them a very universal hand gesture. “I think he’s saying he wants us to fly by on Monday again.”

“Excellent plan,” Richard agreed. “I don’t think anyone will mind if I’m a few minutes late.”

James piloted them away and got back on their intended course. “So what did you pour on him anyway?”

*************

The damned plane circled around again and ruined another take. They were going to have to cancel filming if it kept up. “What the...?” Raindrops landed on him despite there not being a cloud in the sky.

“Are they leaking fuel?” Lucy called from behind the camera.

Jeremy found a spot on his shirt an brought it to his nose, expecting oil or coolant but not the smell of ammonia.

*************

Richard was quiet the rest of the flight back to Ross, except every once in a while he’d break out into a breath stealing cackle and would hunch over in his seat.


End file.
